my vampire story

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my vampire story

Post by Denno on Mon Nov 09, 2009 12:53 am

okay i am working on my own little story of a boy that becomes a vampire, and i am only in the begining, but if people like the start ill keep posting parts of it as i finish it

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Re: my vampire story

Post by Denno on Mon Nov 09, 2009 12:56 am

It was
around October, I was only 13 and had little knowledge in the world beyond
ours, my father would tell me stories of the evils that lurked in the dark
every night, I just fought it was regular ghost stories so we would be silent
at night, however I discovered he was telling the truth the Hard way


October
the 14 it was yet another Friday, and my dad would be off on one of his many
travels, he never told me or my brothers where he was going, except for this
time he was taking my brother Elric that just turned 17 along, it was
understandable as he was the oldest of us all, so he would probably take after
whatever it was our father was doing.


Once
they had left my mother was in control of the house and she was a really bossy
women, but it was understandable, cause when my father was out she was always
so nervous, and wanted everything to be perfect, though it wasn’t because we
didn’t live well enough, I am sure many others would envy our position, we had
more than enough money to support the whole family, I guess you can say we are
part of the upper class, and our mom keep saying we could thank our father for
that, but whenever we asked what father was she would never tell us, saying we
weren’t old enough to understand it, but we knew dad had some kind of secret
room out in the barn, however it was always locked with all kinds of locks, and
there wasn’t a single window or extra door, it was like a fortress, but me and
my brothers where determined to find out what was inside there, though later I
would find out it had been better never finding out, but curiosity is something
every kid have, and now that our dad had left, and our mom was busy in the
kitchen, it was our chance to once again try to invade this fortress, in the start
it was out of curiosity we tried to get inside, but as of late it had become
more a game to see who was the best and could get inside, after we had been
jumping around the barn for some time looking for keys clues and anything that
could help, I could hear my mother’s voice from outside, everyone hurried to
hide, except me, cause it was my name that was shouted out, she wanted me to go buy vegetables at the
local market, it was always such a pain to go there, it was a long walk, but
someone had to do it when my father wasn’t home, and now that my older brother
was with my dad, I had to go.


The road
was nice and solid today, it had rained yesterday, so I had assumed there would
be a long muddy road ahead of me, but lucky for me it was a solid dusty road,
and luck seemed to favor me that day, cause on the way to the market I was
picked up by Thompson from the farm next to ours, so I would have some extra
time in town before I had to go home again, it was always fun exploring the
little towns side streets, though you would think that it was dangerous places
to go, but not really, people didn’t really bother with theft, everyone was
making it by just fine.


When I
arrived at the market, I was quick about it, cause then I would have more time
for myself, though exploring the streets that day was probably my worst
decision I had ever made, I moved around the first few streets without really
seeing anything that I hadn’t seen before, however it didn’t take me very long
before I saw that, that creature from myths. It was a women, and she was biting
a man’s neck, but it was in the middle of the day, those creatures shouldn’t be
here right now, I then realized I and they were standing in the shade of two
big buildings, I tried not to scream, and if I hadn’t screamed just then, then
maybe I would have gotten away and lived my life like any other person, but
what I saw made me scream, and the womens attention was at once directed at me
instead of the man, she rushed towards me, and I ran, I ran all I could, lucky
as I was I made it to where there was sunlight, and fell on the ground, and
when I looked behind me to see if she was still there but she was gone, like a
shadow disappear to light, she was no more, and I didn’t even go back to look
at the man, I just walked home, I wanted to get home, and the sooner the
better, I just wanted to forget what I had seen, I tried to convince myself
that what I saw was an illusion, a mere creation of my imagination, but somehow
I just knew it wasn’t like that.





When I
arrived home I was relieved, I had hurried all I could to get home before the
shadows fell upon this forever changed world, my mom was of course worried
about me, because I looked so pale, but I was still partly in shock from what I
had seen, but I didn’t tell my mother, what was I supposed to say, that I had
seen a creature of the night suck out the blood of a poor man? No she would
never believe, she would simply say I had heard to many ghost stories, and I
hoped that was true, but deep inside I knew the truth was what my two eyes had
seen, but maybe if I forgot all about it, then I would never witness something
like that again, yes that was just one of the many ways I hoped that day would
be lost forever, but that day will forever come back to haunt me no matter how
old I get, it could haunt me trough the rise of an empire to the fall of it,
and still be there, and so it did.


The next
day I told myself that everything was as it normally was, however I kept seeing
the shadows move, and fell a cold shiver down my spine, something was out there
watching me, I couldn’t see or prove it, I just knew it, but it couldn’t be the
creature from yesterday, cause they aren’t able to walk in the light of the
sun, and they roam the night not the day, which is kind of weird to have seen
one that time of day, there was at least 3 hours to sunset at that time, but at
that time it seemed best not to think about it.


Now I
just wanted to go about my daily life as I used to be doing my chores and
helping my brothers, that’s how I resumed my life for about two weeks, before I
once again was asked to go into town by my mom, she had forgot to look out for
how much we had left in the storage, and my father and older brother still
hadn’t returned home, so I had to go to town, and to make it all worse it was
only shortly from sunset, and I was to catch the market just before people
packed their stuff together, maybe I should have told my mother about what I
had seen, maybe I should have refused to go, there was so many things I should
have done there, but I didn’t, and that was my gravest mistake, cause that day
was when my life became a life of servitude.


While I
was making my way to the Market I ran all I could to make it there and home
before the sun came down, cause there was few things more scary then the dark
road home at night, especially after what I had seen recently, though it had
been two weeks, I still couldn’t shake the feeling of that something watching
me, though I have had a few days I didn’t feel like it, it usually didn’t take
long for it to return, and I had the feeling this day.


I was
lucky and made it to the market just before they closed down, but when I was
done the sun was no more, the only thing I could see of the sun was as it
slowly went down behind the hills to the vest, and I began to panic, I tried to
find the way I had come from, but in my panic I couldn’t find it, I knew it was
there somewhere, I marked a road with my sight, and ran towards it, I quickly
looked at the sign, it was the right and I continued, but before I had made it
very long, a hand grappled me, and hold me up towards the wall “what’s is a
little brat like you doing out here so late” it was a small gang, they were
known as the wolves, they just liked to take the money from people, that according
to them didn’t need it, and I was apparently their newest victim, I just wanted
to get away, and that few money I had left from being at the market wasn’t
worth the trouble, but before I could say anything, this man was standing
behind the wolves, and he was like a building, he placed his hand on the
shoulder of the one that was holding me, just by the look of the man, it didn’t
take long for the weak wolves to let go of me, and run away, either it was the
size or the face of the man they had seen, and personally I didn’t really care,
I just wanted to go home.


The man
didn’t say much, the only words I heard him say was “I’ll show you home” of
course the man didn’t know where I lived, but I was still shocked and panicked,
so I didn’t think twice about it, I should just have ran first I noticed he was
showing me the wrong way, such a fool I was, instead I just asked him why we
were going this way, and that was when he grappled me, and threw me in and open
door nearby, I slowly lifted my head after the hard landing on the stone floor,
I had fallen down a few stairs it seemed, and I could now see the man stand at
the top of the stairs at the door were he slammed it in, and I was left in the
darkness.


I guess
I was down there for about two to three hours, maybe more maybe less, I kind of
lost track of time, I was afraid of the dark, I had always been, and my mom
blamed it on my father for all the ghost stories he told, however it had not
been as bad as today before, ever since the encounter with the creature from my
father’s stories I had been extremely afraid of the dark, shortly after the man
had slammed the door, I fumbled a bit around in the dark waiting for my eyes to
adjust to the dark, however there wasent even the smallest ray of light from
anywhere, it was only when the light of the moon began shinning on the door I
was able to see anything, the first thing I did was to look for a way out, I
had ended up in a basement, so there was the way outside to the street, or the
door to inside the house, I first tried the door to the outside, but it was
locked, no surprise really, I never expected it to be open anyways, so I made
my way down the basement again, I found myself a corner, and sat there waiting,
I don’t know for what, I guess I was just waiting for some kind of miracle to
happen, maybe an angel would open the door for me so I could go home to my mom,
my father was a very religious man, told me how the monsters couldn’t take me
because I was under the protection of the lord, but where was that protection
now? Were was his angels when his creations needed them the most? I knew that
that the only way out was trough the house, and for whatever reason I was
thrown in the basement, the answer was up there, and I approached the door
carefully, maybe if I was very silent, I could get outside without being
noticed.


I was
standing at the door for quite a while gathering my courage to enter the
unknown. But in the end I turned the door handle, and looked through the crack
into a dark room, when I tried to focus on the room to see if I could see
anything, but the room was too dark.


I slowly
placed my right foot inside still very unsure if I should proceed, but it was
the only way ahead after all.


I moved
into the room silently without making a sound, or at least I believed I did,
cause I couldn’t hear anything myself. I remembered what way the basement had
turned, and quickly picked out a way I should look for a door. Each step I took
felt like an eternity, and my heart was going crazy like it was ready to burst out
of my chest at any time. I felt my way along the wall, and I had slowly been
able to see the outline of the room to determine where I had ended up, and
apparently I was in the dining room, there was a big table and lots of chairs
around it in the middle of the room, and on the walls I was sure there was
pictures, but of what was a mystery to me, and the less I knew about them the
better I figured, and while following the wall I had been too distracted
examining the room instead of looking where I was walking, so I walked into a
small table where a vase was just about to fall off and crash on the ground,
but I was lucky enough to catch it just before it fell down.


I placed
the vase back on the table, and breathed out relaxed, the noise the vase could
have made would be big enough to wake whoever was sleeping in this house, and
that person would most likely mistake me for a burglar and report me to the
watch, my mom’s hearth would be broken if that happened, so I had to get out of
her quickly and silently.


I
finnaly found the door in the direction I expected to be towards the street, I was both right and
wrong about that, as I opened the door I was blinded by the light in the room
just before something pulled me inside and shut the door behind me.


“what a
handsome little boy” a female voice said, I tried to regain focus so I could
see who it was, and as my eyes got used to the light I could see who it was, it
was the exact same woman I had seen on the streets that night, she was sitting
in a throne like chair in the middle of the room, and I could see other people
around the room, but all I could concentrate on was this woman, I was horrified
by the sight of her, I could only imagine what she would do to me.


“oh look
he is scared” she said very softly, it was like she had no intentions on
hurting me, like I had just walked into a meeting of adults by accident, and
that they found it funny.


“come on
now don’t be scared, no one is going to hurt you” she was looking very
friendly, and waved at me to come closer, but I was very unsure if that would
be so smart, if I got too close wouldn’t she just pull her fangs inside me and
take my blood from me, and turn me into a nosferatu as well.


I didn’t
have much choice at the current situation, so I looked a bit around the room to
try figure out how to get out if something should happened, but I couldn’t find
any possible escape route, the only door behind the woman was guarded by a
large man that didn’t look like he was going to move if I ran into him.


It seems
the woman was getting tired of waiting for me to get closer to her, she locked
her eyes at me, and as I got eye contact with her, she pointed at me, and said
“walk here”, it was like my leg moved by themselves, I just walked towards her,
no matter how much I tried I couldn’t stop myself.


I
stopped right in front of her, and then she was just sitting there examining me
for a good while, before she said “your physical prowess dosent seem to be the
best, but I am sure you can make up for that in intelligence” after she had
finished speaking there was no doubt in my mind, she wanted me to join her dark
people. I was terrified, and wanted to run all I could, but I was frozen to the
ground, not even a single muscle in me was responding to my demands. It was
like her gaze had locked me in place, and all I could do now was wait for her
fangs to impale my neck and suck out my blood to make me part of her dark
people, but to my surprise she didn’t bite me, but she presented a fine glass
to me, I took it out of her hands as she handed it to me.


I looked
down the fine glass, there was a liquid, it was a thick red substance, it
reminded me a little of red wine, only that this was a lot thicker, and didn’t
swirl as smoothly. I looked back at the woman, and she pointed at the drink, and
said “drink it” I really didn’t was to drink it as I realized it was blood in
the glass, but my body still wouldn’t respond, It moved on its own not heeding
even a single command I gave it, but it obeyed the woman’s every command.


As the
blood went down my throat it wasn’t the iron tasting substance I had expected
it to be, but rather a very well tasting drink, it was like nothing I had ever
tasted before in my life, not even my mothers cooking could compete with this
at any time.


I got
down every last drop of the blood, and then turned my attention to the woman
again, it was like all my fears was gone, and I was feeling fond of this lady
now, and I asked her “do you have more of that” and she began smiling before
she answered “easy now young Joshua, if you want more you need to earn it, the
first time is a gift, the second time is an award” her words were like sweet
music in my ears, no one else in the room were interesting now, all that
mattered was her “what is it, I will do anything for you” I didn’t even think
twice about the words, it was just her that mattered, her that was my entire
word, whatever it was that had been in that drink, it had changed my look on
the world.

The lady seemed most pleased on how I was
behaving. She stood up, and took the glass out of my hands and placed it back
on the table where it had been before. I just stood there, looking at her move
around, completely spell bound by her looks, or something else, but I was sure
it was her looks that kept me there, and then her fingers went around my chin,
and she made sure my attention was turned towards her and only her “for now I
want you to just return home in the morning, and I will then call upon you when
I fell the time is right, and don’t worry you wont be in doubt when I call upon
you” her voice was so soft, and I nodded to her, I would do anything for her
“now sleep and remember the name Natalia Nadir” she poked me on the forhead,
and I felt all my energy slip away, and realized it was all excitement and
adrenaline I had been going on for the last few hours, and my eyes slipped
together before I couldn’t remember anything more

Chapther 2






It was a
bit of a weird feeling, it was like a soft sheet was over me, and that I was
lying on something that was making my body fell warmer, I slowly opened my
eyes, and I discovered I was in my own room, or well it is also my two little
brothers room, as everyone shared rooms around the house except mom and dad.


It was
unbelievable, the last I remember was standing in that room with the lady, and
suddenly I could hear an echo in my head Natalia Nadir it said, and I figured
that had to be her name, it was new to me, yet I fell like I had known that
name my whole life.


I sat up
in my bed, and the room was just like I left it yesterday, I could see my
brothers had as usual hidden themselves under the sheets as they do every
morning before mom comes to wake us up, but something was different, I just
couldn’t put my finger on it.


Maybe if
mom was up I could ask her how I had gotten back, or maybe all that happened
before was just a bad dream, but just to make sure I would ask mom about it.


I got on
my feet, and took another look around the room, but there was nothing out of
the ordinary, and I then headed for the door, I putted my hand on the handle, and
opened the door slowly, I don’t know what I was expecting, but something gave
me a bad feeling, and when I opened the door and stepped outside it was
defiantly not what I had expected, I entered a long slim hall, and the door was
out of nothing the door I went through slammed behind me, and when I turned
around in chock over the noise it had made, the door was gone, and as I turned
around again there was now doors on each side of the hall, this was nothing
like anything I would ever expect to happened, but that didn’t matter much,
more importantly, where am I, and what placed me here.


I
decided that standing there thinking wasn’t going to get me anywhere, so my
only choice was to continue down the hall before the other doors also
disappeared before me


Last edited by Denno on Wed Dec 02, 2009 3:02 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Re: my vampire story

Post by Keiko Neisan on Mon Nov 09, 2009 12:42 pm

Nice work Denno^^ write some more, I want to know what happens!!!
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Re: my vampire story

Post by Kami-Sama on Mon Nov 09, 2009 12:45 pm

o.0 more more!!!! i love it Very Happy i wanna see the next part!!!

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Re: my vampire story

Post by Yanjin on Mon Nov 09, 2009 1:48 pm

I loves it Denno, I loves it bigtime Smile

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Re: my vampire story

Post by Denno on Mon Nov 09, 2009 2:54 pm

awesome with all that encouragement, and please tell me if theres something its missing, like more indepth or more perspective, and i got the next part ready around tomorow

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Re: my vampire story

Post by Denno on Tue Nov 10, 2009 12:16 am

okay i added another little section to the text

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Re: my vampire story

Post by Keiko Neisan on Tue Nov 10, 2009 12:27 pm

more!!more!!more!!!! MORE!!!!!!!!
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Re: my vampire story

Post by Denno on Mon Nov 16, 2009 2:14 am

so i worked alot on the story lately, and i have now finished the first chapter of my story, though i have hit a bit of a wall, not sure what should happend from there, but with alot of thinking i have found out, so just wait til the next part

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Re: my vampire story

Post by Yanjin on Sun Nov 22, 2009 10:42 am

Ahh, I'm getting impatient now Smile

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Re: my vampire story

Post by Denno on Mon Jan 04, 2010 3:07 am

alright so i just got the report back from my teacher, and she tells me that i need to make my chapter one shorter, and thats where i would like to ask you guys where in the story you begin feeling that its getting a bit slow, and where you feel there are some things that dosent seem right

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