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Denno
Posts : 335 Reputation : 0 Join date : 2009-11-09 Age : 32 Location : somewhere in Denmark called my mind
| Subject: my vampire story Mon Nov 09, 2009 12:53 am | |
| okay i am working on my own little story of a boy that becomes a vampire, and i am only in the begining, but if people like the start ill keep posting parts of it as i finish it
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| | | Denno
Posts : 335 Reputation : 0 Join date : 2009-11-09 Age : 32 Location : somewhere in Denmark called my mind
| Subject: Re: my vampire story Mon Nov 09, 2009 12:56 am | |
| It was around October, I was only 13 and had little knowledge in the world beyond ours, my father would tell me stories of the evils that lurked in the dark every night, I just fought it was regular ghost stories so we would be silent at night, however I discovered he was telling the truth the Hard way
October the 14 it was yet another Friday, and my dad would be off on one of his many travels, he never told me or my brothers where he was going, except for this time he was taking my brother Elric that just turned 17 along, it was understandable as he was the oldest of us all, so he would probably take after whatever it was our father was doing.
Once they had left my mother was in control of the house and she was a really bossy women, but it was understandable, cause when my father was out she was always so nervous, and wanted everything to be perfect, though it wasn’t because we didn’t live well enough, I am sure many others would envy our position, we had more than enough money to support the whole family, I guess you can say we are part of the upper class, and our mom keep saying we could thank our father for that, but whenever we asked what father was she would never tell us, saying we weren’t old enough to understand it, but we knew dad had some kind of secret room out in the barn, however it was always locked with all kinds of locks, and there wasn’t a single window or extra door, it was like a fortress, but me and my brothers where determined to find out what was inside there, though later I would find out it had been better never finding out, but curiosity is something every kid have, and now that our dad had left, and our mom was busy in the kitchen, it was our chance to once again try to invade this fortress, in the start it was out of curiosity we tried to get inside, but as of late it had become more a game to see who was the best and could get inside, after we had been jumping around the barn for some time looking for keys clues and anything that could help, I could hear my mother’s voice from outside, everyone hurried to hide, except me, cause it was my name that was shouted out, she wanted me to go buy vegetables at the local market, it was always such a pain to go there, it was a long walk, but someone had to do it when my father wasn’t home, and now that my older brother was with my dad, I had to go.
The road was nice and solid today, it had rained yesterday, so I had assumed there would be a long muddy road ahead of me, but lucky for me it was a solid dusty road, and luck seemed to favor me that day, cause on the way to the market I was picked up by Thompson from the farm next to ours, so I would have some extra time in town before I had to go home again, it was always fun exploring the little towns side streets, though you would think that it was dangerous places to go, but not really, people didn’t really bother with theft, everyone was making it by just fine.
When I arrived at the market, I was quick about it, cause then I would have more time for myself, though exploring the streets that day was probably my worst decision I had ever made, I moved around the first few streets without really seeing anything that I hadn’t seen before, however it didn’t take me very long before I saw that, that creature from myths. It was a women, and she was biting a man’s neck, but it was in the middle of the day, those creatures shouldn’t be here right now, I then realized I and they were standing in the shade of two big buildings, I tried not to scream, and if I hadn’t screamed just then, then maybe I would have gotten away and lived my life like any other person, but what I saw made me scream, and the womens attention was at once directed at me instead of the man, she rushed towards me, and I ran, I ran all I could, lucky as I was I made it to where there was sunlight, and fell on the ground, and when I looked behind me to see if she was still there but she was gone, like a shadow disappear to light, she was no more, and I didn’t even go back to look at the man, I just walked home, I wanted to get home, and the sooner the better, I just wanted to forget what I had seen, I tried to convince myself that what I saw was an illusion, a mere creation of my imagination, but somehow I just knew it wasn’t like that.
When I arrived home I was relieved, I had hurried all I could to get home before the shadows fell upon this forever changed world, my mom was of course worried about me, because I looked so pale, but I was still partly in shock from what I had seen, but I didn’t tell my mother, what was I supposed to say, that I had seen a creature of the night suck out the blood of a poor man? No she would never believe, she would simply say I had heard to many ghost stories, and I hoped that was true, but deep inside I knew the truth was what my two eyes had seen, but maybe if I forgot all about it, then I would never witness something like that again, yes that was just one of the many ways I hoped that day would be lost forever, but that day will forever come back to haunt me no matter how old I get, it could haunt me trough the rise of an empire to the fall of it, and still be there, and so it did.
The next day I told myself that everything was as it normally was, however I kept seeing the shadows move, and fell a cold shiver down my spine, something was out there watching me, I couldn’t see or prove it, I just knew it, but it couldn’t be the creature from yesterday, cause they aren’t able to walk in the light of the sun, and they roam the night not the day, which is kind of weird to have seen one that time of day, there was at least 3 hours to sunset at that time, but at that time it seemed best not to think about it.
Now I just wanted to go about my daily life as I used to be doing my chores and helping my brothers, that’s how I resumed my life for about two weeks, before I once again was asked to go into town by my mom, she had forgot to look out for how much we had left in the storage, and my father and older brother still hadn’t returned home, so I had to go to town, and to make it all worse it was only shortly from sunset, and I was to catch the market just before people packed their stuff together, maybe I should have told my mother about what I had seen, maybe I should have refused to go, there was so many things I should have done there, but I didn’t, and that was my gravest mistake, cause that day was when my life became a life of servitude.
While I was making my way to the Market I ran all I could to make it there and home before the sun came down, cause there was few things more scary then the dark road home at night, especially after what I had seen recently, though it had been two weeks, I still couldn’t shake the feeling of that something watching me, though I have had a few days I didn’t feel like it, it usually didn’t take long for it to return, and I had the feeling this day.
I was lucky and made it to the market just before they closed down, but when I was done the sun was no more, the only thing I could see of the sun was as it slowly went down behind the hills to the vest, and I began to panic, I tried to find the way I had come from, but in my panic I couldn’t find it, I knew it was there somewhere, I marked a road with my sight, and ran towards it, I quickly looked at the sign, it was the right and I continued, but before I had made it very long, a hand grappled me, and hold me up towards the wall “what’s is a little brat like you doing out here so late” it was a small gang, they were known as the wolves, they just liked to take the money from people, that according to them didn’t need it, and I was apparently their newest victim, I just wanted to get away, and that few money I had left from being at the market wasn’t worth the trouble, but before I could say anything, this man was standing behind the wolves, and he was like a building, he placed his hand on the shoulder of the one that was holding me, just by the look of the man, it didn’t take long for the weak wolves to let go of me, and run away, either it was the size or the face of the man they had seen, and personally I didn’t really care, I just wanted to go home.
The man didn’t say much, the only words I heard him say was “I’ll show you home” of course the man didn’t know where I lived, but I was still shocked and panicked, so I didn’t think twice about it, I should just have ran first I noticed he was showing me the wrong way, such a fool I was, instead I just asked him why we were going this way, and that was when he grappled me, and threw me in and open door nearby, I slowly lifted my head after the hard landing on the stone floor, I had fallen down a few stairs it seemed, and I could now see the man stand at the top of the stairs at the door were he slammed it in, and I was left in the darkness.
I guess I was down there for about two to three hours, maybe more maybe less, I kind of lost track of time, I was afraid of the dark, I had always been, and my mom blamed it on my father for all the ghost stories he told, however it had not been as bad as today before, ever since the encounter with the creature from my father’s stories I had been extremely afraid of the dark, shortly after the man had slammed the door, I fumbled a bit around in the dark waiting for my eyes to adjust to the dark, however there wasent even the smallest ray of light from anywhere, it was only when the light of the moon began shinning on the door I was able to see anything, the first thing I did was to look for a way out, I had ended up in a basement, so there was the way outside to the street, or the door to inside the house, I first tried the door to the outside, but it was locked, no surprise really, I never expected it to be open anyways, so I made my way down the basement again, I found myself a corner, and sat there waiting, I don’t know for what, I guess I was just waiting for some kind of miracle to happen, maybe an angel would open the door for me so I could go home to my mom, my father was a very religious man, told me how the monsters couldn’t take me because I was under the protection of the lord, but where was that protection now? Were was his angels when his creations needed them the most? I knew that that the only way out was trough the house, and for whatever reason I was thrown in the basement, the answer was up there, and I approached the door carefully, maybe if I was very silent, I could get outside without being noticed.
I was standing at the door for quite a while gathering my courage to enter the unknown. But in the end I turned the door handle, and looked through the crack into a dark room, when I tried to focus on the room to see if I could see anything, but the room was too dark.
I slowly placed my right foot inside still very unsure if I should proceed, but it was the only way ahead after all.
I moved into the room silently without making a sound, or at least I believed I did, cause I couldn’t hear anything myself. I remembered what way the basement had turned, and quickly picked out a way I should look for a door. Each step I took felt like an eternity, and my heart was going crazy like it was ready to burst out of my chest at any time. I felt my way along the wall, and I had slowly been able to see the outline of the room to determine where I had ended up, and apparently I was in the dining room, there was a big table and lots of chairs around it in the middle of the room, and on the walls I was sure there was pictures, but of what was a mystery to me, and the less I knew about them the better I figured, and while following the wall I had been too distracted examining the room instead of looking where I was walking, so I walked into a small table where a vase was just about to fall off and crash on the ground, but I was lucky enough to catch it just before it fell down.
I placed the vase back on the table, and breathed out relaxed, the noise the vase could have made would be big enough to wake whoever was sleeping in this house, and that person would most likely mistake me for a burglar and report me to the watch, my mom’s hearth would be broken if that happened, so I had to get out of her quickly and silently.
I finnaly found the door in the direction I expected to be towards the street, I was both right and wrong about that, as I opened the door I was blinded by the light in the room just before something pulled me inside and shut the door behind me.
“what a handsome little boy” a female voice said, I tried to regain focus so I could see who it was, and as my eyes got used to the light I could see who it was, it was the exact same woman I had seen on the streets that night, she was sitting in a throne like chair in the middle of the room, and I could see other people around the room, but all I could concentrate on was this woman, I was horrified by the sight of her, I could only imagine what she would do to me.
“oh look he is scared” she said very softly, it was like she had no intentions on hurting me, like I had just walked into a meeting of adults by accident, and that they found it funny.
“come on now don’t be scared, no one is going to hurt you” she was looking very friendly, and waved at me to come closer, but I was very unsure if that would be so smart, if I got too close wouldn’t she just pull her fangs inside me and take my blood from me, and turn me into a nosferatu as well.
I didn’t have much choice at the current situation, so I looked a bit around the room to try figure out how to get out if something should happened, but I couldn’t find any possible escape route, the only door behind the woman was guarded by a large man that didn’t look like he was going to move if I ran into him.
It seems the woman was getting tired of waiting for me to get closer to her, she locked her eyes at me, and as I got eye contact with her, she pointed at me, and said “walk here”, it was like my leg moved by themselves, I just walked towards her, no matter how much I tried I couldn’t stop myself.
I stopped right in front of her, and then she was just sitting there examining me for a good while, before she said “your physical prowess dosent seem to be the best, but I am sure you can make up for that in intelligence” after she had finished speaking there was no doubt in my mind, she wanted me to join her dark people. I was terrified, and wanted to run all I could, but I was frozen to the ground, not even a single muscle in me was responding to my demands. It was like her gaze had locked me in place, and all I could do now was wait for her fangs to impale my neck and suck out my blood to make me part of her dark people, but to my surprise she didn’t bite me, but she presented a fine glass to me, I took it out of her hands as she handed it to me.
I looked down the fine glass, there was a liquid, it was a thick red substance, it reminded me a little of red wine, only that this was a lot thicker, and didn’t swirl as smoothly. I looked back at the woman, and she pointed at the drink, and said “drink it” I really didn’t was to drink it as I realized it was blood in the glass, but my body still wouldn’t respond, It moved on its own not heeding even a single command I gave it, but it obeyed the woman’s every command.
As the blood went down my throat it wasn’t the iron tasting substance I had expected it to be, but rather a very well tasting drink, it was like nothing I had ever tasted before in my life, not even my mothers cooking could compete with this at any time.
I got down every last drop of the blood, and then turned my attention to the woman again, it was like all my fears was gone, and I was feeling fond of this lady now, and I asked her “do you have more of that” and she began smiling before she answered “easy now young Joshua, if you want more you need to earn it, the first time is a gift, the second time is an award” her words were like sweet music in my ears, no one else in the room were interesting now, all that mattered was her “what is it, I will do anything for you” I didn’t even think twice about the words, it was just her that mattered, her that was my entire word, whatever it was that had been in that drink, it had changed my look on the world.
The lady seemed most pleased on how I was behaving. She stood up, and took the glass out of my hands and placed it back on the table where it had been before. I just stood there, looking at her move around, completely spell bound by her looks, or something else, but I was sure it was her looks that kept me there, and then her fingers went around my chin, and she made sure my attention was turned towards her and only her “for now I want you to just return home in the morning, and I will then call upon you when I fell the time is right, and don’t worry you wont be in doubt when I call upon you” her voice was so soft, and I nodded to her, I would do anything for her “now sleep and remember the name Natalia Nadir” she poked me on the forhead, and I felt all my energy slip away, and realized it was all excitement and adrenaline I had been going on for the last few hours, and my eyes slipped together before I couldn’t remember anything more
Chapther 2
It was a bit of a weird feeling, it was like a soft sheet was over me, and that I was lying on something that was making my body fell warmer, I slowly opened my eyes, and I discovered I was in my own room, or well it is also my two little brothers room, as everyone shared rooms around the house except mom and dad.
It was unbelievable, the last I remember was standing in that room with the lady, and suddenly I could hear an echo in my head Natalia Nadir it said, and I figured that had to be her name, it was new to me, yet I fell like I had known that name my whole life.
I sat up in my bed, and the room was just like I left it yesterday, I could see my brothers had as usual hidden themselves under the sheets as they do every morning before mom comes to wake us up, but something was different, I just couldn’t put my finger on it.
Maybe if mom was up I could ask her how I had gotten back, or maybe all that happened before was just a bad dream, but just to make sure I would ask mom about it.
I got on my feet, and took another look around the room, but there was nothing out of the ordinary, and I then headed for the door, I putted my hand on the handle, and opened the door slowly, I don’t know what I was expecting, but something gave me a bad feeling, and when I opened the door and stepped outside it was defiantly not what I had expected, I entered a long slim hall, and the door was out of nothing the door I went through slammed behind me, and when I turned around in chock over the noise it had made, the door was gone, and as I turned around again there was now doors on each side of the hall, this was nothing like anything I would ever expect to happened, but that didn’t matter much, more importantly, where am I, and what placed me here.
I decided that standing there thinking wasn’t going to get me anywhere, so my only choice was to continue down the hall before the other doors also disappeared before me
Last edited by Denno on Wed Dec 02, 2009 3:02 pm; edited 3 times in total | |
| | | Keiko Neisan
Posts : 582 Reputation : 0 Join date : 2009-10-27 Location : England
| Subject: Re: my vampire story Mon Nov 09, 2009 12:42 pm | |
| Nice work Denno^^ write some more, I want to know what happens!!! | |
| | | Kami-Sama Admin
Posts : 1769 Reputation : 9 Join date : 2009-10-29 Age : 32
| Subject: Re: my vampire story Mon Nov 09, 2009 12:45 pm | |
| o.0 more more!!!! i love it i wanna see the next part!!! | |
| | | Yanjin Admin
Posts : 1687 Reputation : 1 Join date : 2009-10-27 Age : 31 Location : England
| Subject: Re: my vampire story Mon Nov 09, 2009 1:48 pm | |
| I loves it Denno, I loves it bigtime | |
| | | Denno
Posts : 335 Reputation : 0 Join date : 2009-11-09 Age : 32 Location : somewhere in Denmark called my mind
| Subject: Re: my vampire story Mon Nov 09, 2009 2:54 pm | |
| awesome with all that encouragement, and please tell me if theres something its missing, like more indepth or more perspective, and i got the next part ready around tomorow | |
| | | Denno
Posts : 335 Reputation : 0 Join date : 2009-11-09 Age : 32 Location : somewhere in Denmark called my mind
| Subject: Re: my vampire story Tue Nov 10, 2009 12:16 am | |
| okay i added another little section to the text | |
| | | Keiko Neisan
Posts : 582 Reputation : 0 Join date : 2009-10-27 Location : England
| Subject: Re: my vampire story Tue Nov 10, 2009 12:27 pm | |
| more!!more!!more!!!! MORE!!!!!!!! | |
| | | Denno
Posts : 335 Reputation : 0 Join date : 2009-11-09 Age : 32 Location : somewhere in Denmark called my mind
| Subject: Re: my vampire story Mon Nov 16, 2009 2:14 am | |
| so i worked alot on the story lately, and i have now finished the first chapter of my story, though i have hit a bit of a wall, not sure what should happend from there, but with alot of thinking i have found out, so just wait til the next part | |
| | | Yanjin Admin
Posts : 1687 Reputation : 1 Join date : 2009-10-27 Age : 31 Location : England
| Subject: Re: my vampire story Sun Nov 22, 2009 10:42 am | |
| Ahh, I'm getting impatient now | |
| | | Denno
Posts : 335 Reputation : 0 Join date : 2009-11-09 Age : 32 Location : somewhere in Denmark called my mind
| Subject: Re: my vampire story Mon Jan 04, 2010 3:07 am | |
| alright so i just got the report back from my teacher, and she tells me that i need to make my chapter one shorter, and thats where i would like to ask you guys where in the story you begin feeling that its getting a bit slow, and where you feel there are some things that dosent seem right | |
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